15 Ways to Drive Your Children’s Pastor Crazy
A Great New Sport!
By Eli Goldman

A great new sport that many children’s workers are adopting is the sport of driving the Children’s Pastor Crazy. It’s loads of fun and seems to be catching on in almost every church. Here are some ideas to get you started if you’re not already involved in this exciting sport.

1. Never attend any meeting regularly! That way they might expect to see you there each week. Plan instead to be erratic in your attendance. Keep’em guessing is the key!

2. Never be on time for anything! Your time is too valuable to waste being on time.

3. Plan to miss a few Sundays (without notice, of course) and don’t get anyone to fill in for you. It’s fun to know the Children’s Pastor is earning his money on Sundays and besides, you need some time off every other week or so.

4. Save all your funny stories to share with those sitting around you in any meeting when the Children’s Pastor is talking. This will give you something to do when you get bored.

5. Form some “special” friends in the ministry and be sure none of the other workers interfere with your little group. This will give you someone to talk to about what the Children’s Pastor, Pastor and others in the church are doing wrong.

6. Whenever the Children’s Pastor introduces anything new — a promotion, change or whatever — be sure to speak up and let him know you don’t like it! The Children’s Pastor needs to know that “We’ve never done it that way before.”

7. Never write down anything the Children’s Pastor says and throw away any printed material you receive. After all, you’ve never forgotten anything, and besides, there’s no need to start listening to the Children’s Pastor now.

8. Never, ever visit anyone in your class! You can attend some meetings but never visit. Allow God to bring who He wants to be there each Sunday.

9. In order to keep the Children’s Pastor under control, be sure to point out to others any mistakes he might make. This way he won’t get the “big head.”

10. Always pretend you’re racing in the Indy 500 when you get behind the wheel of a church bus or van. Safety is for sissies and if the bus breaks down while you’re hotrodding, it will give the Children’s Pastor something to do during the week getting it fixed.

11. If you call in sick, do it between midnight Saturday night and 6:00 am Sunday morning. This way the Children’s Pastor will know you really are sick yet you are concerned that he has plenty of time to get someone to cover for you.

12. Let the Children’s Pastor earn his money – let him do all the work.

13. Never encourage the Children’s Pastor. After all, many a church worker has been ruined by flattery. Don’t let his blood be on your hands.

14. Don’t try to get any new workers into the ministry. That’s the Children’s Pastor’s job.

15. Always feel like a “martyr”. Nothing feels better than feeling sorry for yourself and sharing it with others. The Children’s Pastor (and everyone else) needs to understand that you’re not doing this for the Lord but so others can know how much you suffer as a Children’s Ministry worker.

From: www.yourchurch.com website June 2006