Crossing the Line
By Anonymous

Taboo, a word to describe the topic of losing the one thing you can never get back, your purity. Let me share my story.

I never understood why it was important to remain pure until marriage-until I lost everything that was important to me by making that one mistake. Now I know I could quote all the scriptures about a man not touching a woman and what not, but I think personal experience would speak volumes in this scenario.

Let me preface it with this small metaphor, when you barbecue, the best way to get ready is to prep the coals slowly, it takes time and a little effort and then everything just flows. However, the other way is to spray lighter fluid all over the coals, but the fire just bursts up quickly and you gotta keep spraying it and spraying it and eventually it can work into a full blown blaze. But anything that is a product of that flame has a funny taste and just doesn’t work right. That is what a premarital relationship is like. It looks like fire (Love) and for a brief second even feels like love but then it just burns out, tainting everything it comes into contact with.

I had always promised myself and God that I would make my love “worth the wait” and keep myself pure, I went through the ritual of the blue ribbon every year with my youth group and the first year I could not, it broke me. I had fallen. The constant repetition of my sin was constantly tainted with the foul taste of guilt knowing I was doing it wrong: outside the confines of marriage. Pretty soon my relationship began to fall apart, we built a bond that should have never been made before marrying this woman I claimed to love.

My selfish lust cost me that love.

For both of us our mentality changed, even our outward appearance changed-every time I would bring her to my hometown, people thought I was dating a different girl and people could see my demeanor changing even my physical appearance. It destroyed me. Our entire relationship changed, we began biting at each other, fighting all the time and didn’t get along unless we were continuing in sin and after each time a renewed promise to God and each other that we wouldn’t continue, but yet every time we got together it was what we did.

Finally one night God told us each in our churches that if we did it again He, God, would strip us of our relationship. We took to heart the warning but only in thought, it was easy to say okay when we were separated by miles, but when we got together we failed each other, God and ourselves.

Within 3 weeks our entire relationship fell apart, everything we held dear to ourselves-each other-was required of us. You see, God had invested too much in us, and had we continued on the holy path and kept our courtship holy we would have been allowed to get married in the will of God.

Premarital relationships are nothing more than the outlet of our own selfishness, I mean let’s call it what it is. We get what we want at the cost of what we hold dear, I didn’t realize how ugly I was until I took the scales off my eyes and decided to be truthful and look in the mirror. There I stood with all the ugliness of my iniquity and I had to make a trip back to the altar and rededicate myself to the vow of abstinence.

In the end I stood at an altar of repentance with my cross in one hand and my vow in the other and with tenacious resolve telling myself and the next woman in my life, “I love you enough after ‘I Do’ to tell you that ‘I won’t right now.'” You ask, “Well how far can we go?” Wrong question. You should be asking, “How far can we stay away?”

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