How Do You Handle Difficulties With Ladies Ministry Team Members?
By Various Authors

Being a peace-keeper by nature, confronting a problem with a ladies team member doesn’t come easily for me. However, I have learned that ignoring problems doesn’t work!

Start with prayer. Pray for focus, wisdom, and clarity in the situation. Sometimes this leads to recognizing where I am at fault. If I am right with God, I can proceed with great confidence. Pray for the person(s) involved. When I pray for them I am more in tune to their needs, situation, and point of view. Pray for clarity on what is best for the sake of the group.

Following prayer, I proceed with direct conversation along these guidelines:

* Show love and care for the person(s) involved.
* State the concern. Don’t let it become personal-it’s not about them but about behavior.
* If appropriate, confess your own part in the problem and apologize.
* State what is needed for the good of the group.
* State clearly what behavior is necessary, ask if the person is willing to do this, and be clear about the consequences if not.
* Grant forgiveness if requested, praise the willingness to work for the good of the team, and if possible, pray together.
* Let it go, and move on with a positive attitude toward the person(s).
-Diane Bahn, Director of Partner (Wives) Program
Pastoral Leadership Institute
Cypress, Texas

When it comes to maintaining relationships in the midst of conflict, “If there’s anything you need to repent of, go do it.” Approaching conflict with attitude of repentance removes any element of defensiveness. Even if the conflict is between others, is there any way I have contributed to it?

There is a reason the Scriptures say that Jesus came filled with grace and truth (John 1:17). It’s much harder to hear truth in the midst of conflict if there is an absence of grace. Grace in the midst of conflict is like rolling down the car window on a hot, humid day: it allows breathing room, freedom to confess to mistakes and sin.

Beyond that take a direct approach to conflict. Deal with a problem immediately-the longer we wait, the harder it will be to stop the estrangement, bitterness, gossip, and other sin. Assume the best about the other person. Ask questions and go for transformation of the people involved. And go in as Jesus to them: willing to love, ready to forgive, determined to mediate so that the conflict ceases and the relationship doesn’t.
-Jane Rubietta, Author and Speaker
Grayslake, Illinois

Where there are people, there is trouble. Female sensitivity spikes whenever we gather in herds so we must take precaution not to get jarred by a hoof or maybe a tongue! Leaders must learn to be peacemakers. James 3:18 says, “Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”
* Place a high priority on people-not on position or power.
* Encourage your team by example in both word and deed.
* Act immediately when dissension stirs. Go to the source(s). Don’t let wounds fester.
* Charge your team with scriptural mandates concerning the nature of Christ.
* Examine your own heart and be quick to apologize, confess, and hug.

Believe the best about each team member until you are forced by clear evidence do otherwise. Challenge people privately, passionately, and politely. Encourage your team to do likewise. Stress the need for spiritual maturity which brings grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Communicate often with your team! A healthy herd provides safety and warmth!
-Ellie Lofaro, Bible Teacher, national speaker, and author
Heart Mind and Soul Ministries
Reston, Virginia

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This article “How Do You Handle Difficulties with Team Members?” written by various authors is excerpted from Just Between Us Magazine a Winter 2007 edition.

This article may not be written by an Apostolic author, but it contains many excellent principles and concepts that can be adapted to most churches. As the old saying goes, “Eat the meat. Throw away the bones.”