Misinterpretations of Biblical Proportions
Ross Fitzgerald

~ I remember my father-in-law loved to sing “The Old Rubber Cross.”

~ When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say this prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door, I could hear them say, “Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.”

~ When I was a child, I learned this prayer as “Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name.” I always thought that was God’s real name.

~ When I was younger, I believed the line was “Lead a snot into temptation.” I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.

~ My mother spent her early childhood praying, “Hail Mary, full of grapes.”

~ My son, who is in nursery school, said, “Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?”

~ I remember thinking this prayer was “Give us this day our jelly bread.”

~ When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain prayer was “He suffered under a bunch of violets.” The real words were “under Pontius Pilate,” but at that age, he didn’t know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read.

~ I was a little girl when we sang a song in Sunday school about Noah. Part of the chorus was “And the rains came down, and the floods came up.” We lived next door to a couple of charming little girls who always sang this song while playing in their garden. Their words were, “And the rains came down, and the spuds came up.”

~ When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, “What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?” Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock years later when he learned that the priest doesn’t say, “Be quiet until you get to your seat.”

This article “Misinterpretations of Biblical Proportions” was compiled by Ross Fitzgerald and excerpted from: www.laughoutloud.com website. May 2009. It may be used for study & research purposes only.

This article may not be written by an Apostolic author, but it contains many excellent principles and concepts that can be adapted to most churches. As the old saying goes, “Eat the meat. Throw away the bones.”