Sexual Purity Defined By God
Carol Clemans
Do you find that there is a growing problem with sexual purity within Apostolic churches?
Yes. It’s amazing to me that some people who claim to be Holy Ghost filled Christians have such a convoluted definition of sexual purity. When a young man tells a young woman (both claiming to have the Holy Ghost – some in leadership) that oral sex is not having sex, they are in deep trouble with God. When couples can do everything with each other with their sexual organs and call it “outercourse” or “Christian sex” and pretend they are still holy as unto the Lord outside the boundaries of marriage, they are completely deceived by the devil or complete hypocrites!
Sexual sinning is not new, but it is enlarging its borders within the church. In my counseling from the west to the east coast, I listen to the pain and shame that is the outcome of not having personal holy conduct boundaries. This type of conduct has a mixture of sexual addiction from guys preying on gals who have wounded self-worth, and are vulnerable to someone coming on to them with all the seductive predatory talk to get what they want sexually. On the flip side, it’s not all just the guys preying on the gals. Some gals come on to the guys out of their inner woundedness trying to prove they have value by who and how many they can seduce.
What is so tremendously sad about this is that the guy that seduces the gal would never want to marry her when he gets serious about marriage. He wants a virgin. But he will take what he can get from someone else’s future wife! The gal that snags a guy sexually will have a temporary emotional high, but when he eventually walks away to someone else her heart is broken again and that deepens her emotional pain.
In your opinion, what is God’s definition of sexual purity?
God’s definition of sexual purity can be understood when Paul told Timothy to FLEE any hint of sexual impurity (my paraphrase). Can these couples fornicate and do it “heartily as unto the Lord?” How can exposing your sexual organs to the opposite sex for sexual pleasure outside of marriage not be sin?? Pastors, parents and the church, in general, need to get their heads “out of the sand” and realize that we need to be talking about God’s definition of sexual purity on a consistent basis. We need to teach the Word of God in helping people to understand how precious they are in the sight of God.
The Life in the Spirit Study Bible has an article called “The Acts of the Sinful Nature and the Fruit of the Spirit”(pages 1852-53). It lists the sinful nature works of the flesh and the Fruit of the Spirit. “Adultery” (GK porneia) = sexual activity or intercourse outside of the marriage union. The word pornography comes from the root porneia and thus sexual immorality comprehensively may include taking pleasure in pornographic pictures, films or writings. “Fornication” (GK akatharsia) “sexual sins, evil deeds and vices, including thoughts and desires of the heart.” A further note says, “Paul’s final comment about the acts of the sinful nature is stern and forceful: any so-called Christians who engage in these types of activities shut themselves out of the kingdom of God, i.e., they do not possess eternal salvation (Gal 5:21; see 1 Cor 6:9, note).”
What’s missing? #1 – Knowing what it means to have a personal intimate relationship with God. #2 – An understanding of what it means to love God with the whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. #3 – Respecting and loving God and self. #4 – Knowing that God’s boundaries on sexual activity within marriage only is for our protection and provision.
What do you feel is the root cause of this growing problem?
When someone seeks sexual gratification outside of marriage, they are worshiping the creature instead of the creator. Their actions are for totally selfish reasons.
The Bible teaches that an adulterer or fornicator shall NOT HAVE A PART IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD referenced above. How much plainer does it need to be? Some in the church are following the steps of the world. One adulterer told his wife that what he does in his natural life is separate from his spiritual life!!! How can that be???? The Bible is clear that sexual sins lead to Hell! The world has taken the special gift that God gives to a husband and wife and has exploited it to create sin, pain, and death through adultery, fornication, outer sex, sexual abuse and pornography addiction. Unfortunately, I’ve had to counsel people involved in all of these sinful activities.
I know it’s possible to stay sexually pure before marriage and in marriage. When the Word of God is taught and also “caught” by following Godly examples, young people can know and believe that God’s truth is the best. I personally know young people who remained (and are remaining) virgins until marriage. Each of us who are temples of the Holy Ghost and are Holy Ghost controlled has a special relationship with God. We are His special treasure. We love Him so much that we do not want to sin against Him. We want God to know that He can trust us. We need to understand that we have honor and value in God’s sight. We need to make a commitment to be trustworthy and not sin against the Lord with our bodies; that includes our heart, soul, and mind.
When the prophet confronted David about his adulterous actions that included murder, David said that he sinned against the Lord. When Joseph refused to be seduced by Potiphar’s wife, he said that he could not sin against the Lord. Any sexual activity outside of marriage is sinning against the Lord!!!
What are the dangers, in your opinion, if sexuality immorality?
When couples “hook-up” (which means having sex), there is a physical and an emotional bonding that takes place, even when it’s considered a “friend’s benefit.” It does seem to be more troubling emotionally to the female than the male, but it has a long-term inner feeling of being fragmented. The more partners, the more fragmented. It helps to understand why God said that the “two shall become one flesh.” When two people have sex at any level there is a “oneness” that takes place because it was to be a gift from God to sustain a husband and wife within the boundaries of marriage. God’s boundaries also protect against pregnancy outside of marriage and sexually transmitted diseases. The only SAFE SEX is no sex until marriage!!!!
Husbands and wives need to understand that they are to leave others and cleave to their spouses abandoning all others emotionally. Their emotional, spiritual and physical allegiance is to their spouse only and no one else, place or thing at any time or in any place.
Single young people need to love God more than self. They need to respect God and self. When you respect yourself as the “house of God”, you will have no trouble with others respecting you. You will be bold enough to set your personal physical boundaries before you ever start dating. When a date tries to come on physically, immediately you need to recognize that it is happening for selfish reasons, not because they are putting your best interests at heart!
What are the danger signs that parents need to watch for?
A simple kiss is the beginning of sexual foreplay. It can set a guy on “fire”! There is no such thing as a “simple little kiss”! Gals, wake up! If a guy wants to get physical before he hardly knows who you are, he is using you for his sexual gratification! It’s not because he loves you or cares one bit about how you feel!
This is why every girl needs a godly dad in her life to show her the healthy, respectful way she should be treated. Many gals that become promiscuous are searching for the “daddy’s love” they never had. Guys in the church need their mom to teach them how to respect gals and treat them as future wives or the way they would want their sister or future daughter treated when dating. Of course, all young people need both a godly dad and mom to be closely involved in their lives talking to them about sexual purity throughout their growing years from a Bible base. Knowledge empowers young people to make the right choices.
Church and parents, it’s time to wake up! These sexual sins are happening with people who are sitting on the platform and in the pew and it must stop now! Get Biblically educated and get Bible-based books written on sexual purity. Make them a must read for you and your young people. Parents need to seek Bible knowledge on how to talk to kids about sex and setting dating conduct standards long before the person is allowed to date. Go to www.family.org or www.Christianbook.com and put in “sexual purity” and many books will pop up that are written from a Bible base to teach children from pre-puberty through teenage and single adult level.
Keep this subject as an ongoing teaching topic on being holy as He is holy. This is not about outward standards. Everyone I personally know who got involved in these sins had the “outward standards” but had no “standards” of the heart and soul. This is about Holiness of the Heart that will result in holiness in conduct. The light and dark are the same to God. Nothing is hidden from Him. Things done in secret will be shouted from the mountaintop. Sexual sins do not remain secret. God sees everything we do. Sexual purity is first a heart/mind/body issue that means before marriage there should be a commitment to self and God not to participate in any hint of sexual activity. After marriage, enjoy the gift of sex thoroughly with your spouse only that can also be defined as sexual purity in heart, mind, and body.
Carol Clemans, February 2008
Note: Carol Clemans is a certified pastoral counselor, provided this ministry for Pastor Kenneth Haney for 10 years at Christian Life Center. Presently she provides a teaching and counseling ministry to churches nationwide including for her pastor, Daniel Batchelor in Dupo, IL. Email: carol@carolclemans.org
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