Ways to Love Your Pastor’s Wife Well
Jani Ortlund

Love your pastor’s wife by taking her out for coffee just to get to know her.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted.” (Eph. 4:32) Anne and I became lifelong friends through her loving initiative in this way.

Love your pastor’s wife with a little gift now and then.
A candle, some hand lotion, a small plant, a loaf of bread from your favorite bakery, seasonal paper napkins, or a favorite pen with some notecards communicates thought and care to a woman who often feels on the outside of friendships within her church. “I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God.” (Phil. 4:18) Lois has been a source of deep encouragement through her thoughtful love gifts.

Love your pastor’s wife by understanding her Saturdays.
Most pastors need to work on Saturdays. There are weddings and hospital visits and breakfasts with men who can’t meet during the week. Plus the office at church is usually quietest on Saturday for her man’s personal reflection, study, and preparation for Sunday services. She may feel lonely and have the kids to herself when other families are together. Could you include her or any of her children in part of your day? “Take courage, do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.” (2 Chron. 15:7) Thank you, Kathy, for all those Saturdays when Dane and Gavin played with Matt and Josh.

Love your pastor’s wife by loving her kids.
Let them be kids, not angels. Invite them over. Befriend them. I know one church where some ladies whose children were grown and gone formed a “Zoo Patrol” for their young pastor’s wife. Her husband left very early on a Sunday morning, often before the children were up, and his wife was having a hard time getting her four little ones to church on time. These sweet ladies took turns coming over on a Sunday morning an hour before church. They helped get shoes and coats on and hair combed and breakfast finished and kids buckled into car seats. Then the volunteer would follow Mom to church and help shepherd them into the proper classes. What a gift to their pastor and his wife! “In humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Phil. 2:3)

Do you have a skill your pastor’s wife could benefit from? I’m so grateful for Caroline’s gardening expertise, for Hilda’s red velvet cake, for Patty and Joe housing family members, for Melinda booking flights for our family when Daddy died, for Llew Ann’s help with my wardrobe needs. How they cheered me, helped me, loved me! “Outdo one another in showing honor.” (Rom. 12:10)

Love your pastor’s wife by speaking directly to your pastor if you have a suggestion.
Don’t ask his wife to be the messenger. It is hard on a ministry marriage if the wife feels obliged to communicate to her husband the desires of the congregation. If it is important enough to mention, spare her the effort and possible heartache of saying, “Mrs. Smith thinks it would be better if . . .” If it is important enough to tell him, let him hear it from you. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” (Prov. 16:24)

The above article, “Ways to Love Your Pastor’s Wife Well” was written by Jani Ortlund. The article was excerpted from www.reviveourhearts.com web site. January 2017.

The material is copyrighted and should not be reprinted under any other name or author. However, this material may be freely used for personal study or research purposes.

This article may not be written by an Apostolic author, but it contains many excellent principles and concepts that can be adapted to most churches. As the old saying goes, “Eat the meat. Throw away the bones.”