You Know You’re Apostolic When
Many People Contributed

1) The amount of money you spend on hairspray exceeds your gas bill.

2) Your Pastor announces midweek services EVERY Sunday night.

3) You (or the ladies you know) can swim in a denim skirt and still have fun.

4) It takes longer to TAKE prayer requests than it does to pray for them.

5) Your brother or sister in the Lord hugs you right in the middle of Wal-Mart.

6) The musicians at your church can tear it up, but none of them can read sheet music.

7) You have 50 pairs of church shoes.

8) You’re adept at stopping runs in stockings with just about anything.

9) You’re considered an old maid if you’re not married by age 21.

10) You consider Bible college “higher education.”

11) Running the aisles and jumping up and down is your exercise.

12) A birthday party is a night on the town.

13) You could be an Olympic volleyball player with all the practice from church functions.

14) Your white choir moves like Kirk Franklin’s group.

15) The pastor says, “With this thought, I close,” more than three times each service.

16) You have adequate respect for the power of flying hairpins.

17) Your feet have been stomped on at least 3 times during a service.

18) A run in your last pair of stockings is a national disaster.

19) You judge a church service by swollen eyes, rumpled clothes, and disheveled hair.

20) Your kids know how to eat any crunchy thing quietly.

21) When shopping for shirts, you always run it through the “Praise the Lord” test.

22) Sunday and Wednesday mean no cooking or dishes.

23) You can maneuver into a vehicle without messing up your hairdo.

24) Celebrating your 21st birthday doesn’t mean much.

25) The employees at Mazzios know you by name.

26) You can always find hairpins on the floor after a good service.

27) You can pronounce, “Habakkuk.”

28) Mondays and Fridays are the hardest days to wake up in the morning.

29) Your day of rest includes 2 church services, choir practice, and Shoneys.

30) The kids you know think shot glasses are for playing communion.

31) Growing up you baptize your cousins and siblings in “JESUS NAME” several times in the swimming pool.

32) Saying “Praise the Lord!”, “Yes, Lord!” or “Thank You, Jesus! Hallelujah!” is a part of your daily conversation.

33) Your email address is at acts238.com .

34) You have never taken a week’s vacation, just to go to a church seminar.

35) You treat visitors like royalty, and make sure they’ve been asked about a Bible study.

36) You knew Acts 2:38 before John 3:16, and “I’ve got the Holy Ghost down in my soul” before “Jesus Loves Me.”

37) You’ve never bought a Bible study kit that is easily transportable.

38) Broaches are worldly but Sunday school pins are a spiritual goal.

40) You grew up thinking your dad’s first name was “Brother”.

41) You know “It’s harvest time” isn’t just something farmers say and a “sheave” is more than an agricultural term.

42) You think Bible quizzing is a sport.

43) A “shopping spree” means a trip to Catos

44) Someone has asked you if you are “presbyterian” or “protestant”

45) You spend many, many accumulated hours in front of the mirror perfecting the art of the “PHD”

46) You know what a PHD is!

This article “You Know You’re Apostolic When” had many people that contributed. It is excerpted from: www.90&9.com web site. July 2009. It may be used for study & research purposes only.